electric brooke

It’s been a while since I’ve posted here. I wanted to write a big thing on the Green Line, then life became crazy and I got in a little hot water for talking too much while also not being able to dedicate the time I wanted to that. I promise you, Green Line stuff will come eventually.

For those of you who know me, you know that on the side I have spent the last ten winters working high school hockey games in various capacities – timekeeper/scorekeeper, compiling the stats, and running video, mostly. I’d also dabble in being the site manager once in a while, because clearly a 22-year old depressed blob of gender confusion is the most qualified individual to be in charge of a group of rowdy teens and parents in the stands, and a testosterone-fueled battle on the ice. (To be fair, the on-ice officials are mainly responsible for managing the on-ice game, but the site manager is ultimately responsible for everyone! I also didn’t do much site management in the final year or two.)

For a period of time, I also helped out at other sports at the same school doing timekeeping and some site management, mainly during and the years after COVID-19 first hit. I went from being an overamped student volunteer to being the girl rooting for regulation and learned a lot along the way. I sat through many blowouts, knowing I was getting paid to watch the game unfold and do whatever it took to keep things moving.

I learned a huge life lesson in doing this: It doesn’t truly matter, so calm the hell down.

In my later years doing this athletics side gig, I finally figured out I’m transgender. Don’t worry, this isn’t going to be a post about trans people in sports or anything like that. But one of the big lessons that transitioning taught me is that a lot of other things in life don’t truly matter. This was a lesson reinforced and taught further to me by everything I saw at high school sports games.

Kids are pouring their hearts out for the sport they’re playing and this ought to be admired – dedication to their team, friends, coaches, community, lalala, the good stuff. But what else do you see at these games? Angry parents. Angry coaches. Angry players.

This often gets taken out on the officials. While typically the on-ice/field/court officials are the ones who got yelled at, I did get yelled at a few times as an off-ice official. And when you’re super wrapped up in a team, it can be hard to separate yourself from it — I got mad a few times as a teenager. But I never took it out once on the officials despite my role, or any opponent or anything like that. And a lot of the behavior I have noticed is concerning.

You’re getting worked up at an official for something that will not matter in 2 hours. Are you happy in life? Are you enjoying the company of the people that matter to you? Are your needs being met? These are the things that matter.

Passion for what you’re doing is important, but screaming at an official (whether they are right or wrong) – or, for that matter, the opposing team – helps nobody and is going to get you in more trouble. For a parent to scream at an official is a whole other level of bad. You’re a parent! You’re supposed to be setting good expectations instead of making referees and/or opposing players fear for their safety when something you don’t like happens.

Sometimes, it is a player who is the one stirring things up. Standing in between the penalty boxes for plenty of games has taught me this much. Again, I understand it can be an intense game and emotions build. That’s fine. I’ve heard trash talk about opposing players’ mothers. I’ve heard queerphobic slurs (somehow not directed at me but standardly at the on-ice officials). I’ve had moments where I’ve feared for the safety of those involved and thank the plexiglas on either side of me. All this for what? It’s a game.

Nobody’s future is riding on a Division 3 high school hockey game. Go out and have fun.

I’ve been trying to take this attitude into other parts of my life. Keep yourself grounded in reality when you can. It makes the good stuff more fun to enjoy when you aren’t constantly worrying about things that don’t actually matter

Another bonus lesson I learned: If you’re technically savvy, be ready to be busy, and don’t get yourself too stressed.

I somewhat dug my own grave here by being competent and by being a quick problem solver. I’ve developed a weird ability to quickly figure out all sorts of issues and so I became the person to get things working and keeping the show going. This ultimately led to me being responsible for everything from video to speakers to social and all sorts of stuff in between. I’d often be running around before and after games.

Could I have complained a lot about it? Sure. It made me tired at times, but again, I dug my own grave with poor time management. In the later years, I applied what I’ve learned about grounding myself. No internet for a live stream? Nobody to run it? That’s fine. The game will happen, people will score goals, someone will film the game, and the world will continue to spin. Being the go-to person kinda came with the territory. Embrace what you’re good at, give everything your best shot, and try not to worry about things going wrong because it’s not like your life is riding on it.

Would I do it again? Yes. Every time. If my life allows I’d love to get involved with a queer hockey league. I’ll do their games for free. For now, it’s nice to have my nights back (when I’m not on the rails of Huntington Ave).